I am THAT mother.

Dear Cam and Scott

I’m a teacher and I know all about The Paranoid Mother. She is the butt of staffroom jokes. There are warnings and alerts and the rolling of eyes when she’s on campus. When she sidles up to your table at parents’ evening, you go into self-preservation and parent-appeasement mode. You smile and agree and try not to get that really glazed-with-terror look on your face. You nod at her suggestions, complaints, concerns and emotional offloading and inside you’re going, ‘Whatever, lady; your kid is just not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.’

I’d like to apologise, because I think I’ve become that mother.

Today was your first day back at Heavenly Babies and Tots. Scott, you cried and cried when I dropped you off and I pretty much left my heart there on the carpet of the Fishy Class in a soggy weeping mess. I sms’d, BBM’d and phoned the school within the following forty-five minutes to check that you were fine. Of course, you were. You had eaten your porridge, walked to your cot and fallen asleep, your beatific perma-grin, as Paul Prozesky calls it, fully restored. Teacher Nadea is an absolute gem. She didn’t seem surprised that I just could not possibly have a good day unless I knew that you were ok.

Cam, you just beamed. (Even though all holiday you were adamant that you still wanted to be a Tortoise and that under no circumstances did you wish to graduate to the Penguin Class.) You kissed me goodbye, waved me off, and were immediately absorbed in an embrace of penguin-type activities. I, on the other hand, cornered your new teacher with a lengthy elucidation of contact lenses, visual therapy, and classroom management. Every now and then I thought that I detected the glazed and terrified look.

So, I just wanted to say that I am aware of my mounting paranoia when it comes to leaving you in the care of others (even kind, qualified, professional others). And I am aware that I need to be gentle with fellow paranoid mothers that I come across in the future. I am determined to keep the paranoia in check through lots of prayer, stern talkings-to with myself on a regular basis, and frequent reality checks regarding my changing role in your life as you grow. You are welcome to tell me anytime you feel that I’m being ridiculous. Also, you should totally tell your teachers you think they are awesome for putting up with me.

All my love goes with you into a new school year, and my every prayer that God would fill your brave little hearts with his overwhelming joy and peace.

Mom

xx