Realism, optimism and sex education

Fuss-twation

A couple days after the Plantland incident reported in my previous blogpost, Cam and I had a chat about the whole thing. I asked him why he hadn’t wanted to go off and play, and why he just hung around with me and Aunty Coral. Eventually it came out that he was feeling ‘fuss-twated’ ( = frustrated) and was a bit upset. I asked him if it was because he couldn’t see what the other kids were doing. He said yes, and added that he was also frustrated because he ‘couldn’t decide where to go.’ We agreed that we would do more of an intentional recon of a place when we arrive, to make him more confident of his bearings. We also came up with a ‘secret shout’ (‘Hey Mom!’; ‘Hey Cam!’) that we can use at any time to establish contact. We’ve been practising at home, and went back to Plantland yesterday to practise there. He’s pretty excited about this, and told a random dad next to the jungle gym yesterday, ‘Mom can see me even if I can’t see her!’ So, here’s hoping that he’ll begin to feel sure of himself, and relaxed, in these kinds of situations. Through a parent support chat forum and the experiences of others, I’ve gleaned some good ideas – like making a meeting place on a playground, and describing in more detail what other children are doing, and explaining to other kids (if they ask or stare), ‘Cam’s eyes work differently.’

I also had a good chat to Cam’s teacher. She told me that he doesn’t often play with other kids on the playground, but in his own way he does interact. A staff meeting came to a quiet halt the other day and all the teachers watched out the window as Cam sat on a step and sang worship songs to a circle of quietly listening children… J Connie, his most favourite Heavenly Tot helper, is his ‘safe place’ at school and he cries if he can’t find her on the playground. We spoke about building his confidence by turning this into a positive challenge (‘Let’s find Connie!’), so that he doesn’t default to panic. Lola (his teacher) spoke to Connie, who in turn had one of her amazingly motivational chats to Cam. She reported at the end of that day that he had been on every swing and slide, and had played happily with one of the other little girls in the class.

‘So we beat on, boats against the current…’ (F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby)

Murray and I have had late nights this week, chatting through the realisation that predicted eventualities of Cam’s situation are fast becoming real, and now. I feel as if we’re bumping into things that have previously seemed quite far away. I think my natural optimism (denial?) has settled into a place of more realistic acceptance. We can’t magic away Cam’s circumstances or the accompanying hard realities. Of course the issue is not the hard realities; the issue is whether or not they make him feel afraid, rejected, confused or alone. We can only work on him – as opposed to working on immutable conditions. We can only talk and explain and prepare as best, as lovingly, as honestly and as optimistically as we can. We can pray for wisdom, and pray that God would grow his confidence and his coping skills – grow in him an ease to ask for help and a rational sense of everything’s ok. (Yesterday I was jabbering about checking something in the oven and he said, ‘Don’t stress, Mom.’ J) We can daily remind ourselves that God’s grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9), that his mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3:23), that he will withhold no good thing from those who walk uprightly (Psalm 84:11), and that he causes all things to work for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28).

I haven’t quoted Fitzgerald to be melodramatic or cynical, but rather to say that God’s glory and beauty and goodness are evident even as we ‘struggle amid a struggling world…’ (Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter), and that ultimately life – even in a world full of sad and confusing things – is about making much of Christ as we delight in him – something that Cam already does. J

‘The LORD your God is with you,

he is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.’ – Zephaniah 3:17

Two questions and a comment (by Cameron)

‘How does the baby get into the mommy’s tummy?’ (Yip. I answered.)

‘How does a car engine roar?’

‘We need to make a plan to get some cheese rolls.’

J