Letter to Cameron

My Cammy

I’m writing this letter to you even though you won’t be able to understand it all just yet. It’s for me more than it is for you – I’ll feel better knowing that I’ve shared with you exactly what’s on my heart.

I know that the past three or four weeks have been difficult for you. You have been fascinated by your brother, and you really love him, for which I am so very grateful! But it’s obvious that his arrival has rocked your little world. You have been throwing irrational tantrums and whining about things that normally wouldn’t upset you at all. Some days you are quite sullen and distant – not the irrepressibly happy, engaging little soul we know – and then other days you are clingy, you call for me constantly, and you only want to ‘hug and love’ me.

It has been heartbreaking for me to watch you struggle, and I’ve felt really desperate and helpless a lot of the time. (And alone – no one else seems to be going through this!) I’ve consulted the experts (like James Dobson, and Granny and Nanna) and I know that it’s normal for an older sibling to act up when a new little one arrives and is loved into the family, and I also know that at two and a half you are in the prime of your toddler-ish, tantrum-throwing, terrible-twos! But I also know that your journey over the past two and a half years hasn’t been all that ‘normal’, and because of that I do think you’ve had extra gallons of love ladled out onto you. That’s perhaps why having this new tiny body in the house, demanding Mom’s time and attention, is somewhat more of an adjustment for you.

I just want you to know, without ever doubting, that your place in my heart hasn’t shifted. (With Scott’s arrival, my heart-space has now simply increased, in a miraculous, loaves-and-fish kind of way.) Like I tell you every single day, you are Mommy’s brave shining star, and I love you with my whole heart. I am hugging, touching, loving, reassuring you, as much as possible, everyday. I’m trying to find time alone with you, everyday, and I’m trying to make sure we still get to do our favourite things together. I’m trying to be gentle, but firm and consistent: the rules are the rules, because I know that it’s the boundaries that give you security.

I’m praying for you, everyday, and trusting that God will strengthen your heart, affirm you with his love and peace, and heal any hurts. Jesus came to bring us abundant life, and I’m praying that the joy and fun of having a brother will soon be abounding in your life!

It’s certainly not all doom and gloom. We’ve had lots of fun this week, too, on jungle gyms and in the pool and just playing in the lounge. And you exuberantly announced the other day, ‘I love living in the Jacaranda City!’ We went to Plantland yesterday, where you were once stung by a bee. You didn’t want to go in, until we’d prayed to Jesus, asking him to protect us from bees. Your mountain-moving faith is too cute, and so humbling and inspiring. Your imagination and the way you express things, quite poetically, continues to amuse and amaze me. Today I needed five minutes to get something done and I asked you to tell Scott a story. You started off with, ‘You know, Scott...’ and proceeded to retell one of the stories we’d read earlier. Tonight at the Van Reenens I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face, watching you, Meagan and Craig ecstatically, noisily, laughingly ‘drive down to Nature’s Valley for a holiday’ on their big green bean bag! You make up fascinating words – like ‘zomb’ and ‘wub’ and ‘goom’ – and you actually use them in sentences (like, ‘The balloon is zombing up to the roof and then sinking down into the sky...’ – which doesn’t make sense, but makes me think of Chomsky’s iconic sentence, ‘Colourless green ideas sleep furiously...’).

Anyway, I just needed you to know that, even though things might be feeling weird to you, nothing has changed my Cammy love. If anything, I love you more now than ever. Hang in there, my boy. This too shall pass. And, as with all things, God will cause it for your good and his glory.

All my love

Mom

xx

(Lots of cool photos to follow shortly!) :)