Telling Cam

I’ve enjoyed finding my rhythm again at school this week, and I count my afternoons with Cam and Scott a delightful privilege. I catch myself marvelling that my big, macho St Alban’s boys were the tiny babies of other mothers not so long ago. J

Murray and I decided a few weeks ago that we needed to tell Cam about his eyes (or rather, about everyone else’s eyes, as he still thinks that everyone wears contact lenses and the like) – in a matter-of-fact, love-steeped way. We thought it wise to let the already fast approaching realisation of his disability happen within the cushioning of his toddler confidence. We would be devastated to ever see him withdraw or lose his irrepressible zest and sense of humour, and we thought the knowledge would be safely received now, by his splendid little self-image J. We also wanted him to hear it from us. Being teased by other kids is inevitable, and imminent.

On Wednesday afternoon, while Scott was sleeping, Cam and I were sitting on the stoep. He was on my lap and we were just chatting. There were sprinklings of sunlight coming through the trees and the garden was mostly shade and stillness. He told me, ‘I’m growing taller everyday!’ It was the gap I’d been waiting for. I told him he’d surely be taller than me one day because Jesus made me quite short. In fact, I sometimes have to stand on a chair to reach the very top kitchen cupboards. But, thankfully, there are other things that I can manage fairly well. I used some other examples (i.e. Daddy’s awesome at this but not so good at that, etc.), and then I casually mentioned how God gave him very special eyes. I told him that he can’t see so well, but that it’s ok because there are loads of things he can do brilliantly, like sing (at which point he broke into his very best rendition of Jingle Bells), run, jump, count, etc, etc. (The list was exceptionally long, because I’m his mom so I’m allowed to think that he is marvellous at just about everything J).

He listened quietly and without any sign of disconcertion. Then the conversation went on to other things. I’m grateful for God’s grace in creating just the right time and place, and that there was no hurt, no confusion. I’m well aware that those things will still come, but at least this was a kind, comfortable beginning.

Of hexagons, laughter and muddy dogs

Thinking about where I’ve seen God’s glory over the past few days...:

The day before I went back to school, Cam was playing with some wooden sticks in the lounge, making triangles. Murray said to him, ‘Why don’t you try and make a square, my boy?’ To which Cam replied, with only a hint of voor-op-die-wa, ‘No Daddy. I’d rather make a hexagon.’ Moments like that jolt me into remembering that he could see nothing at all when he was born. And now he’s building hexagons on the carpet. To God be the glory, great things He has done.

Another pre-going-back-to-work, God-glorifying gift was that Scott laughed for the first time! So awesome! J

Over the weekend I planted some herbs and veggies on our kitchen deck. I didn’t even have to water after planting, because just as I was finishing off it started to rain. God’s glory! Scotty was watching me in his ‘bumbo’ and just blinked placidly through the drops, unperturbed. God whispering life into seeds and bringing little green living things up to the air gives me such hope.

Sadly, however, Lola had dug up the whole thing, about 45 minutes after my enchanting planting session, and I had to start from scratch... But maybe God was just using her to churn up the soil and settle the seeds? Time will tell. She wagged sheepishly, unquestionably aware off her offence, and rubbed her muddy nose on my pants. With difficulty I tried to ‘give thanks in everything’ (1 Thes. 5:18) and trust that God would work it out for good...!

Cam’s made-up word for today was ‘badoopie’ – something he decided they would eat for breakfast at school, with milk and sugar. He told Constance as soon as we got to school, and she played along beautifully. He then told me quite calmly, ‘I’m not going to cry today.’ (Yesterday was heart-ripping stuff; he clung to me and sobbed when I dropped him off – then proceeded to have a marvellous day.)

 (Cam drumming on the kitchen bin... as one does...)

Back to work

Dearest Scott

Right now you are peacefully asleep in your cot. Today is our last day at home together and I’ve been fighting tears all day. My maternity leave is up, and tomorrow it’s back to work for me and a new schedule for your mornings. You’ll start your day with Maria and giggling and hugs, and then it’ll be playing and adventuring and cuddling with Granny until I’m done at school. You will be in excellent hands!

I can’t tell you how much I’ve enjoyed the past three and a half months. They’ve been among the very happiest of my life. Quiet waters; green pastures. You are such a treasure, and I wish we had a bit more time to spend long, slow days together. The bright side, of course, is that now I’ll be teaching just part-time. I’m going back to less pressure (and less money J); my afternoons will be all about you and Cammy, which is a magnificent prospect. I do so love my job, and it’s always fun and exciting to begin a new school year. (I pray that you too will be passionate about what you do one day, and enjoy a God-given, inimitably energising career.) But, you smiling at me on my laptop’s desktop just isn’t the same as you smiling, and drooling, and gurgling, and bouncing on my lap itself.

Thank you for the undreamt of joy you’ve brought into my life. You have completed me in a way that I couldn’t ever have imagined.  You are a manifestation of God's promise to 'restore to [us] the years that the locust has eaten' (Joel 2:25). I just want you to know that I love you impossibly, more and more each day, and that I am going to miss you dreadfully. L

All my love

Mom

xx

Cam’s first day

Today was Cam’s first day at Heavenly Tots. He and all his friends graduated from Heavenly Babies at the end of last year and have moved up to the Tots’ house – new classroom, new playground. All very exciting! For weeks now Cam has been telling anyone willing to listen (grandparents, shop assistants, tree fellers...) that, because he is now big, he is no longer a Heavenly Baby but rather a Heavenly Tot. The school re-opened today, but I took him there yesterday so that he could explore the new playground, do a bit of mental mapping and get his bearings.

Praise God, today went really well! A real blessing is that Cam knows his teacher, Lola (yip, same as his golden retriever J), and one of the classroom assistants, Constance, from the Babies’ house. He had just woken up from his sleep when I arrived to fetch him today and his first words were, ‘Hello Mommy, I had a nice day!’ He is super cheerful, singing even more vociferously than usual, and drumming merrily on any hard surface (including, briefly, Scotty’s head). He’s been telling me all his stories – what they ate for breakfast and lunch, how he and his friends ‘drove’ the old car on the playground, etc. (I think they are going to have a hard time keeping him out of that car.)

The pic is of Cam telling Constance all about our tumble dryer, which is by far his favourite household appliance. (Ours is not to question...!?)

I’m so proud of him – it quite takes my breath away and makes my heart all achy. He is growing up so fast. J

My boys’ eyes (a poem)

Two pairs of eyes I love:

Blue eyes

Quietly drinking life

Deep gentle stirrings

Swirling in bright sea blue

Brown eyes

Brilliantly staring

At happy-coloured shadows

Laughing in molten chocolate brown

Of time zones and spontaneous picnics

We had a fab New Year’s Eve with friends, counting down with India at 20h30... J

This afternoon Murray went mountain biking and I drove out with the boys to meet him for tea under a tree on the side of a farm road, in the middle of lush, rolling, highveld countryside. What a beautiful slice of unexpected tranquillity – the sluggish buzz of insects, the sun and breeze on Scotty’s chubby arms and legs, Cam running barefoot in the dust and grass.

‘i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes’     

- ee cummings

‘God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but on trees and flowers and clouds and stars.’    

- Martin Luther

‘To sit in the shade on a fine day and look upon verdure is the most perfect refreshment.’          

- Jane Austen

Goodbye 2010

What an awesome, rich year it has been! I’m so amazed, and grateful.

My prayer is that for each of the 365 days that lies ahead, we will do what is right, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:8). Regardless of what horrors or ecstasies await in 2011, if we choose contentment in Christ, then it will be a good year.

My ‘themes for my thirties’ so far have been love, wisdom, gentleness, simplicity, consistency, zest, potential, forgiveness and contentment – so here’s to another year of striving to live by those.

I’m also excited about our positioning on the planet for this another bright, unmarked year – physically, spiritually. Because, for now, He has planted us here with the jacarandas, for His purposes.

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done

in this City...

And greater things are still

to be done here.
- Chris Tomlin

May we taste and see the goodness of God.